Stepfather, who controls 17-year-old worker's finances, lectures the teen after teen calls him to ask him to deposit his paycheck so that he can afford a bus ticket home: 'I called my stepfather, with the intent to ask him about my paycheck'

There were points where it felt like it was being used to track my movements in a way that felt very claustrophobic. I was almost an adult; I'd been working summers for several years at that point. Beyond that, I wanted more individuality and control over my own life. Differences in opinion and values between my parents and me as a teen eventually led to me opening my own account. But to this day, partially as a small token of gratitude i keep a little bit of money in the same joint account we first opened together all those years ago.

Looking back, you realize that they might have been right about a lot of things, but I maintain that my perspective and feelings, representing the stage where I was at in life, were important too. More importantly, they were valid to me at that time, and I think as a teen you just want to be respected and feel listened to, too, even when the final decision doesn't go totally the way you want it to. Isn't that what anyone wants in any relationship?

This 17-year-old works a part-time job, receiving weekly paychecks ranging from $80 to $300. His stepfather handles his money, depositing half into his checking account and half into savings. A pretty wise move for helping the 17-year-old save for his own future.

I am going to preface this by saying that I am 17. I work a part-time job where my pay fluctuates, some paychecks are ~$80, while others have been ~$300, depending on my hours. Now, when I get paid, my stepfather, (age irrelevant), splits my paycheck in half and sets half into my checking, and half into my savings. I have no problem with this. However, since I get paid weekly, this means that I have varying amounts of money to use depending on the prior week.

Story/yoinkersploinked

However, on his recent payday, he went to check the account and noticed that the check hadn’t been deposited yet. No big deal though; he had some money saved, just for such an occasion, to cover the cost of the bus home. Now that’s some mature forward thinking.

Today, my usual payday, I had just gotten out of school, which is when on Thursdays, I’d usually by my weekly bus pass, which I use to get home from school, and to and from work, however, I saw that my paycheck had not been added yet. No big deal, I had saved some money from my last paycheck just in case my dad was a little late, which wasn’t common, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. 

The trouble was he wasn’t able to afford the weekly pass he normally bought, which was much more expensive up front but saved money over the course of the week. Instead he would have to accept the cost of the somewhat more-expensive-per-ride he fare, which would have been covered by the cost of the weekly pass.

Just in case the stepfather hadn’t quite gotten around to depositing it, he called to ask about the paycheck. No answer.

After a little while, he figured he might not have seen the missed call, so he called again. He still didn’t pick up. That was odd.

The teen tried again, and again. Eventually, he skipped the weekly pass and just paid for the bus ride home. His mother eventually answered and explained that she had ended up with his stepdad’s phone.

So I called my stepfather, with the intent to ask him about my paycheck, to which he didn’t pick up, which was uncommon for him. I figured he’d either been asleep, or hadn’t heard his phone go off, so I called twice more, which within our family is not seen as a big deal, since calls are commonplace for us. However - still no answer. That was really odd. So, instead, I called my mother and asked her if she knew what was up with my step dad, to which she told me, she had accidentally taken his phone with hers, so he was without a phone at that moment, but that he was on the way back to get it. Okay, I understood then. 

The teen soon just bought a single-fare bus ticket and headed home.

So I paid for my one time use ticket to get home, and when I got home, I called my stepfather one last time to see if he’d gotten his phone yet, still nothing. Okay, not a big deal. I didn’t have a problem with waiting. 

When his stepfather arrived home, however, he was irate. Ranting and angry about all of the attempted calls. Saying very unkind things about his relationship with the teen.

This left the teen wondering whether or not he was in the wrong for not saving more money for the week pass from his previous paycheck. Also wondering whether he should have let things be and not tried to call his stepfather so much.

But when my stepfather eventually got home, he yelled and berated me, telling me that I should’ve been less frugal with my money, and that I didn’t need to call him more than once if he didn’t pick up, since “he’s not my child”. Which I couldn’t figure out what to respond with, since I had woken up. So, am I the a##***le for calling him that many times?

This was how the teen summarized the situation.

TL;DR: My step-dad , who handles my paychecks was late on depositing one, which led to me calling him, which he then got mad at.

At the end of the day, here, the stepfather's frustration might not have entirely been about the teen. But it might have been the thing that sent him through the roof. Maybe something bad happened at work. Maybe his boss yelled at him, he couldn't yell at his boss, and he needed someone to take it out on, so he came home and yelled at his kid. Maybe the kid's mom got mad at the stepfather for not having his phone on him again. (“This is the 5th time I've asked you to take your phone with you, Ron.”) 

With stuff like this, I always think of “the circle of yelling” from “How I Met Your Mother.” Boss gets yelled at by his wife, boss yells at employee, employee goes home and yells at kid, kid goes to school and yells at teacher, who happens to be the boss's wife. And the cycle takes on the form of an ouroboros as it repeats like that forever. 

It seems like he probably normally have a pretty good relationship, and you can't read too much into one (probably somewhat biased) account of a single event. The teen refers to his stepfather as “dad” at least once in the story, so you'd have to imagine that there is at least a certain level of connection there. 

Still, it might be about time for the teen to set out, as I did around that age, and open an account of his own that he has a little more control of. Or, for Pete's sake, at least start depositing his own paychecks! I know checks are intimidating for anyone under the age of 45. To this day, I have never balanced a checkbook; I couldn't even tell you where my checkbook is. But you need to figure out at least how to deposit a physical paycheck at some point.